Forms of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse can take many forms. Often, multiple types of abuse happen at the same time.
Physical Abuse: Using force to cause injury, pain, or fear.
Examples:
- Hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or shoving.
- Blocking a doorway so you can’t leave.
- Destroying property, punching walls, or throwing things.
Emotional / Psychological Abuse: Behaviors meant to control, belittle, or harm a person’s sense of self-worth.
Examples:
- Calling you names, constant criticism, or insults.
- Gaslighting (making you doubt your memory or reality).
- Threatening to harm you, your children, or pets.
Sexual Abuse: Any sexual activity without consent, or that uses coercion, intimidation, or manipulation.
Examples:
- Forcing sex or sexual acts.
- Pressuring you when you say no.
- Tampering with birth control or refusing to use protection.
Financial Abuse: Controlling access to money, resources, or employment to create dependence.
Examples:
- Taking your paycheck or benefits.
- Refusing to let you work or sabotaging your job.
- Forcing you to account for every penny spent.
Digital / Technological Abuse: Using technology to monitor, control, or harass.
Examples:
- Demanding passwords to your phone, email, or social media.
- Constantly texting or calling to check up on you.
- Using GPS or apps to track your location.
Isolation: Limiting contact with family, friends, or support systems to increase control.
Examples:
- Stopping you from visiting loved ones.
- Not allowing you to go to work, school, or community events.
- Moving you away from your support network.
Spiritual or Cultural Abuse: Using religious or cultural beliefs to control, shame, or manipulate.
Examples:
- Misusing scripture or tradition to justify abuse.
- Preventing you from practicing your faith or cultural traditions.
- Forcing you to follow beliefs you don’t agree with.
Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
Abuse can be hard to recognize, especially when it starts gradually or is hidden behind excuses. Below are some common red flags.
If You Are Experiencing Abuse (Warning Signs for Victims)
You may be in an abusive relationship if your partner:
- Controls your daily life – decides where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear, or how you spend money.
- Uses fear or intimidation – threatens you, your children, pets, or themselves to get their way.
- Blames you for their behavior – says it’s your fault when they yell, hit, or hurt you.
- Isolates you – discourages or prevents contact with family, friends, or support systems.
- Monitors you – checks your phone, tracks your location, or demands passwords.
- Disrespects boundaries – pressures you into sex, ignores your “no,” or refuses to use protection.
- Destroys property – breaks your belongings, punches walls, or uses objects to scare you.
- Cycles between kindness and cruelty – apologizes, promises change, but repeats the abuse.
If You Are Concerned About Someone Else (Warning Signs for Observers)
A friend, coworker, or family member may be experiencing abuse if you notice they:
- Seem fearful or anxious around their partner, or “walk on eggshells.”
- Have frequent injuries with excuses that don’t quite make sense (“I’m clumsy,” “I fell”).
- Withdraw from relationships – stop attending social events, answer fewer calls, or seem isolated.
- Have limited access to money or transportation – they may need permission to spend or to leave home.
- Show sudden changes in behavior – becoming quiet, depressed, nervous, or losing confidence.
- Cancel plans often – especially at the last minute, with vague or inconsistent reasons.
- Seem monitored or controlled – partner constantly checks in, shows up unexpectedly, or won’t let them be alone.
- Talk about their partner with fear – or avoid talking about them altogether.
Barriers to Leave
Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely simple. Survivors often face complex barriers that can make leaving feel overwhelming or even impossible. Understanding these reasons helps build compassion and support for those experiencing abuse.
1. Fear for Safety
- The most dangerous time for a survivor is often when they attempt to leave.
- Abusers may threaten harm to the survivor, children, family members, or pets.
- Survivors may fear retaliation, stalking, or increased violence if they try to escape.
2. Emotional and Psychological Bonds
- Abuse often includes manipulation, gaslighting, and cycles of affection and harm, which create confusion and hope for change.
- Survivors may still love their partner and hope the abuse will stop.
- Low self-esteem or guilt instilled by the abuser can make survivors feel they are to blame or unworthy of better treatment.
3. Financial Barriers
- Abusers may control money, employment, housing, or access to resources.
- Survivors may not have the financial means to live independently or support children.
- Fear of poverty, homelessness, or losing custody can trap survivors.
4. Children and Family Responsibilities
- Survivors may want to keep the family together for the children.
- They may fear losing custody or face legal battles.
- Abusers may use children as tools of control, threatening to take them away or harm them.
5. Isolation and Lack of Support
- Abusers often isolate survivors from friends, family, and community.
- Survivors may feel they have nowhere to turn.
- Cultural or religious beliefs may discourage leaving.
6. Social Stigma and Pressure
- Survivors may fear being judged, blamed, or not believed.
- Some communities pressure individuals to “fix” relationships rather than leave.
- Shame and embarrassment can make asking for help difficult.
7. Hope for Change
- Survivors may believe the abuse is temporary or that the abuser will change.
- Apologies, promises, or periods of calm may reinforce hope.
- Survivors may want to preserve the relationship they hoped for at the beginning.
Help
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you are not alone. Support is available.
24/7 National Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- Text: “START” to 88788
- Website: thehotline.org
Local Support
- New Day Advocacy Center: 1-715-682-9566
- Email: info@ndshelter.org
- Trained advocates can provide confidential support, safety planning, shelter, and resources.
How to Support Someone Experiencing Abuse
- Supporting a survivor can make a huge difference. You don’t need to have all the answers, just being there matters.
- Listen without judgment – Let them share their story in their own words.
- Believe them – Trust that they are telling the truth about their experiences.
- Offer understanding – Recognize that leaving can be complicated and dangerous.
- Respect their choices – Survivors know their situation best.
- Provide support, not pressure – Ask how you can help and follow their lead.
- Share resources – Offer hotline numbers or connect them to advocacy services.
- Be patient – Healing and decision-making take time.