If you are in immediate danger call 911.
For other assistance please call our 24-HR crisis line: 
1-800-924-4132 or ​715-682-9565.

You Have Options. You Have Us.

 We are hear to listen to you and believe what you tell us. It may seem impossible to tell the truth, because that's what an abuser wants you to believe.  You have options and New Day Shelter Advocate support. Let us guide you through the governmental institutions and laws of human rights available to help you live violence, guilt, shame, fear and assault free.  We can provide housing, economic aid, family aid/childcare counseling, medical/health advocacy, legal advocacy, and transportation. These are just some of the resources available to you, and that's because we're also just here to REALLY listen to your story and be your advocate.  When you are ready to make the call, we will be hear to listen and support you.  Again, you are not alone.  

​IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF VIOLENCE:
  • TRAUMA & ABUSE are complex issues that need to be looked at through many different lenses. There are services NDAC (New Day Advocacy Center) can provide, confidentially-advocacy, counseling, support...
  • Begin to think about how you can plan for your own safety and the safety of your children.  Waiting for the abuser to change and trying harder to please the abuser will not work.
  • Contact NDAC (New Day Advocacy Center) (1-800-924-4132) in Ashland, for free, confidential counseling and advocacy.
  • Begin to think about how you can plan for your own safety and the safety of your children. Waiting for the abuser to change and trying harder to please the abuser will not work.
​

IF YOU ARE AN ABUSER:
  • Get help to end your violent behavior. Hurting the people you love will cost your their trust and respect and your own self-respect as well. You may lose your loved ones permanently.
  • Realize that you can change if you want to change.
  • Call NDAC (New Day Advocacy Center) (1-800-924-4132) and ask for referrals to the local batterer's group or to expert therapists in your area. Don't wait until a judge requires you to go to a treatment program.
​

IF YOU ARE A FRIEND OF A VICTIM:
  • Let her/him know that you are there for them when they want to talk.
  • Let her/him know that you are afraid for her/his safety.
  • Call the police if you hear or suspect violence.
  • Become knowledgeable about domestic violence/sexual assault. Contact New Day Shelter (1-800-924-4132) for more information about domestic violence and the resources available.
  • Support New Day Shelter by contributing your time, resources or money.
​

​IF YOU ARE A FRIEND OF A VICTIM:
  • Talk to someone.  If you feel that you can't tell anyone you know or trust call NDAC (New Day Advocacy Center) at 715-682-9565 or toll free at 1-800-924-4132, 24 hours a day to help you with your options so YOU can make an informed decision about your situation. 
  • Do not change your clothes, bathe, douche, or brush your hair or teeth.  If you do change your clothes and then decide to go to the hospital or the police, bring the clothes worn during the assault with you.  
  • Get immediate medical attention, including a medical evidence collection exam.  In addition to the risks of contracting sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant due to the assault, there could be other life threatening injuries that may have gone unnoticed due to shock.  It is important to note that if you decide to get a medical evidence collection done, it is NOT necessary for you to report the incident to the police. 
  • Report the incident to the police.  While it is up to you to report the incident, once you have done so it is up to the District Attorney whether or not criminal charges will be filed.

​CONSENT. 
THE REALITY OF THE WORD.

Consent. This one word draws a line between acceptable and unacceptable sexual behaviors. This one word helps define whether an experience was sexual assault or not. Was the action wanted? Was the act agreed upon by both people?

First, we need to change how we think about consent. The old idea of “no means no” is not a good approach. It puts the responsibility on one person to resist or accept, and makes consent about what a partner doesn't want, instead of what they do want.

Age of Consent.  Giving consent does not automatically mean it is legal.  There are restrictions, by law, as to when a person is old enough to give consent and to what they can consent.  

Consent can be sexy. It can be a moment for both partners to openly express to each other what they’re looking for and what they do want to experience. The saying “yes means yes” can be empowering and useful in thinking about what consent is.

Consent is not ongoing. Both partners should keep giving, and looking for, signs of consent. Just because you've given consent to an act before, doesn't mean it becomes a “given” every time. This idea also relates to new relationships — just because you've given consent to something in a different relationship doesn't make it “automatic” in a new relationship.

Consent is not a free pass. Saying yes to one act doesn't mean you have to consent to other acts. Each requires its own consent. IE: Saying yes to oral sex doesn't automatically mean you’re saying yes to intercourse.

Your relationship status does not make consent automatic. If you’re married to someone, friends with someone, or dating someone, it doesn't mean they ‘own’ your consent by default. Or that you own theirs. Also, consent can be taken back at any time — even if you’re in the midst of something and feeling uncomfortable, you always have the right to stop.

There’s no such thing as implied consent. The absence of a “no” does not equal a “yes.” What you or a partner chooses to wear doesn't mean that you or they are inviting unwanted sexual attention or “pre-consenting.” The same can be said for flirting, talking, showing interest or any other actions.

It’s not consent if you’re afraid to say no. It’s not consent if you’re being manipulated, pressured, or threatened to say yes. It’s also not consent if you or a partner is unable to legitimately give consent, which includes being asleep, unconscious, under the influence of conscious-altering substances or not able to understand what you’re saying yes to.

Non-consent means STOP. If anyone involved isn't consenting, then what is happening is or could be rape, sexual assault or abuse.

Here are some red flags that your partner doesn't respect consent:
  • They pressure or guilt you into doing things you may not want to do.
  • They make you feel like you “owe” them — because you’re dating, or married, they gave you a gift, etc.
  • They react negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say “no” to something, or don’t immediately consent.
  • They ignore your wishes, and don’t pay attention to non-verbal cues that could show that you’re not consenting (EX: being reluctant, pulling away).

How to practice healthy consent: 
  • Talk about it! Communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. Establish boundaries by explaining what things you and your partner are comfortable with and what things you may not feel comfortable with. Always ask first. Try phrases like:
    “Are you OK with this?”
    “If you’re into it, I could…”
    “Are you comfortable with this?”
  • Be aware of the physical and nonverbal signs of consent as well. If your partner seems uncomfortable, talk about it and discuss it. Don’t assume that silence is them saying yes.
  • Remember that giving and receiving consent is an ongoing process.
​

THE ASSAULT AND/OR ABUSE IS NEVER YOUR FAULT
YOU ARE NOT ALONE...
WHAT DOES AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?

Does your partner ever..
>    Humiliate, criticize, insult or yell at you?
>    Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
>    Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
>    Push you, slap you, choke you or hit you?
>    Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
>    Control the money in the relationship? Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
>    Make all of the decisions?
>    Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?
>    Monitor your time, phone, social media accounts and/or your whereabouts?
>    Act like the abuse is no big deal, deny the abuse or tell you it’s your own fault?
>    Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
>    Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
>    Attempt to force you to drop criminal charges?
>    Threaten to harm you or themselves?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Don’t hesitate to chat or call us if anything you read raises a red flag about your own relationship, or that of someone you know.

Call us. We’re here to help.


​WHAT IS NOT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Healthy relationships allow both partners to feel supported and connected but still feel independent. 

COMMUNICATION & BOUNDARIES are the two major components of a healthy relationship. Ultimately, the two people in the relationship decide what is healthy for them and what is not.  If something doesn’t feel right, you should have the freedom to voice your concerns to your partner.

COMMUNICATION:
Communication is a key part to building a healthy relationship. The first step is making sure you both want and expect the same things -- being on the same page is very important. The following tips can help you create and maintain a healthy relationship:

  • Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
  • Respect Your Partner. Your partner's wishes and feelings have value. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
  • Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
  • Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

BOUNDARIES:
Healthy Boundaries are a good way to keep your relationship healthy and secure.  By setting boundaries together, you can both have a deeper understanding of the type of relationship that you and your partner want.  Boundaries are not meant to make you feel trapped nor is it a sign of secrecy or distrust -- it's an expression of what makes you feel comfortable.   Each person should express to their partner what they are and are not comfortable with, when it comes to sex life, finances, family and friends, personal space and time. In a healthy relationship with boundaries, both partners:
  • Allow each other to spend time with friends and family
  • Do not abuse technology to check on a partner
  • Trust each other and not require their partner to “check in”
  • Do not pressure the other to do things that they don’t want to do
  • Do not constantly accuse the other of cheating or being unfaithful

Remember, healthy boundaries should not restrict your ability to:
  • Go out with your friends without your partner.
  • Participate in activities and hobbies you like.
  • Not have to share passwords to your email, social media accounts or phone.
  • Respect each other’s individual likes and needs.

ONLINE RESOURCES

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